We all have traveled one path in our life and that is the reality. But in our mind we keep traveling down paths we have never traveled in real life and keep comparing our current position to the imaginary, and often, seemingly rosy position on the path not traveled.
Decision-making at every point in our life is a forked path, a multi-forked path at that. We took the one path that we thought, with all the knowledge, wisdom and resources that we had at that time, was the best suited to us. Being endowed with the capacity to time travel in all directions, we wonder, “Life would have been better if I had not come on this path but taken the other path”.
“If I had not given up that job and continued...”
“If I had not married this person...”
"If I had married that person when he/she asked...”
“If I had not had the child...”
Substitute your own path not traveled in that. Whenever in our mind, we travel the path not traveled, we only think of the rosy things in that path, we never consider that millions of negative things could also have happened on the other path. We believe that the 'other path' would have had all the goodies that we are missing now in our life.
* The other person you did not marry could have lost the thing you valued in them (beauty, job, career, money, values, etc.) but we hold all these constant for them.
* If you had continued in the job you gave up, perhaps you might have done something inadvertently and lost money, position and esteem.
* if you did not have that child, perhaps your relationships with people around you - your spouse, siblings and parents might have not been the same that it is now.
When we focus on the negatives now in our life, we trace it back to one decision that we took which we think is the root cause of these negatives. We all like a single and simple cause for everything. Life is more complex and complicated than that. For almost everything there are multiple causes and there is a cascading effect of causes.
The journey on the path not traveled is a chimera and lulls us into a comfort zone. It is good for coping temporarily with the current stress but it gives us a false sense of control and makes us feel endlessly guilty for the path we traveled. With the greater knowledge, richer wisdom, larger resources that we have now, we look back and blame ourselves for the decision taken without that luxury. When we give up the frequent trips that we take on the path not traveled and accept that the path we did travel is the only reality, we can perhaps experience a greater sense of freedom, less guilt, fewer misgivings and enjoy life from where we are now.
What is your experience of the Path not traveled?
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